Gratitude, Positive Thinking, & the Law of Attraction

Alex is my magnet.  I’ve been drawn to her character before the 1900’s were no more and the 2000’s stepped in.  I didn’t know what she was going to do, but what I did know is that I was going to write a book with a main character that would be powerful, damaged, skittish, funny, and sexy.  I remember waking from dreams that forced me to jot ideas down onto the closest scrap of paper my fingers could find.  The dam that I thought my life plan was beginning to chip away during that time, but the little cracks took fourteen years to burst open.

Some might question how in the world I held onto a goal for so long without giving up.  One thing that I know for sure is that my thoughts of the book never left me.  Some pages were completed, secure on a disk that moved with me from California to two different cities in Virginia, up to New York, and then back to Virginia.  Those years, the time ticking by, were dominated by thoughts of a family and of my school counselor job. Those were powerful thoughts at the time in my life.  They were stronger than the book that buzzed in the background of my mind.  The persistent thoughts stayed with me though, lingering in the abyss, not ready—not yet.

Now that I look back, I was part of the reason the books didn’t come to life till now.  I didn’t see my finished products as good enough, something people would enjoy, or to be taken seriously.  And the books I loved, the books I consumed, seemed to overshadow the words I had written. My thoughts of the how amazing J.K Rowling is, Patrick Rothfuss’ intensity, Terry Brooks’ magic, not measuring up pushed my confidence into the background.  When I felt I wasn’t good enough—I wasn’t.  The doubt attracted nothing to me but more doubt and gave me the life I feared—one where I wasn’t a writer.  I feared a life where I never prove to be good enough. Now, as I read The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, I see exactly what I was doing and what part of me still sometimes does.

For most of my life I actually thought, and maybe this is the superstitious Irish parts of me, that if I thought something was going to be good, or that something was currently awesome, I was jinxing myself immensely.  I would actually stop my positive thoughts for fear of the opposite happening.  I shake my head now after learning about the Law of Attraction.  All that focus on my fears, on worry, doubt, thinking how much better other writers were than me, about how hard it will be to break into the book industry, all the negativity was giving me what I was worried about and not what I wanted.  George Lucas knew of this phenomenon as he wrote Anakin as his own personal antagonist and creator of his worst fears and nightmares.  Anakin’s dread brought about that which he feared the most.  George Lucas is a creative genius and it shows in his characters and his stories.  The universe is abundant with creative genius and I am allowing myself to envision joining as a writer.

Just like Alex, I am a magnet. We are all magnets actually and our thoughts attract other like thoughts.   The Secret asks the reader to organize and direct their thoughts by figuring out what they want and then believe they are receiving it already.  This task pushed me to type what I really wanted in my life.  This was something I hadn’t done and in some cases, I had been afraid to totally commit to. When I hashed things out with myself what happened next brought a rush through my body and invoked powerful feelings like I was sealing the deal. She tells the reader to change the wording from “I want” to “I am so grateful and happy that I am/have.”  It was a powerful task and soon dreams and visualizations of my desired future came to me with ease. My goals didn’t seem like pipe dreams any longer, instead they were happening right now.  Of course, some of this may sound easy enough, but it took and continues to take work and devotion.  I do a great deal of visualizing each day, sometimes multiple times a day, about my future and the future of those I love.  Mindfulness practices have nearly been a daily occurrence, and trust me, I still have my meh days. Scathing thoughts drip into my awareness every now and again. The negative thoughts that tell me I’m not a great writer, my grammar needs work, there were issues in the book I should have caught, my book isn’t selling, I don’t have enough reviews, I’m not writing enough, blogging enough, or marketing enough.  The good news is, the happy and positive thoughts are stronger and can easily tip the scales!  Once you put out into the world, into the universe, what you want you see it and believe it to be true.   Then, it will all come to fruition.

What’s been incredible about my practice and teachings through The Secret is that I catch these negative thoughts quicker and find it easier to refocus.  It’s not that I don’t allow myself to be tired, angry, sad, tired, or scared.  On the contrary, I am a firm believer that all emotions have a purpose and we need them to see and experience great joys.  No, I don’t push them away, instead, I focus on the good, the things that make me happy, the love for my children, the jokes with friends and my husband, and the hobbies and exercise I enjoy.  My friend, who is reading Rhonda’s second book, The Power, showed me a section where Rhonda explains the refocusing of feelings as an addition of happiness and not the removal of negative feelings.  She relates being in a bad mood to a glass of water.  This glass contains a small about of water that is our happiness and the negative feelings are the air in the glass that cannot be removed.  Instead, we fill the glass with more water, aka happiness, and we feel better.  We then continue to see the good, to be happy, and to move towards a future that has been put into motion by our own belief that we are already receiving what we really want.  Happiness comes from being grateful for what we have now and not dwelling on what we don’t, or what is not going our way, what someone did to us, or what others have and we don’t.  It’s recognizing the amazing things in your life loving yourself, believing in yourself, lightening up, loving others, and removing stress.

As I read through the pages of The Secret with my friend, one who is also smacking the “duh” hand upside her own head, I have found clarity for my goals and dreams.  I see visions of my future and I feel confident in the fact that I will get there.  My stress has reduced, I show love and affection to my loved ones even more than I thought possible, and I am grateful for what I have now and for all that I am working towards in the future.

So, yes I am a good writer, yes people enjoy my books, and more people will start to enjoy Alex and her band of misfits along with all of the other books and characters I breathe to life in my future novels. Once I believed all of this for myself, I realize that I will achieve my goals put into motion by positive feelings about myself, my vision for the future, hard work and dedication, and believing with unwavering faith that I am obtaining my goal right now.

Thank you for reading my blog, for supporting me, for caring about my words, and for being wonderful and amazing.

Parker

How To Find The Time

As I near the end of writing my second novel, I am reminded of what I frequently tell my students. They are encouraged to prioritize their activities, homework, and social life while also reminding them to stay positive as they reach for your dreams. In my life, there are countless days that these two war against each other. I constantly make time to write, despite the odds of ever becoming a professional writer, while the other aspects of my life beg for and need, attention.

Being a mother of two young children, an independent author, and a full-time high school counselor, I struggle to balance my time. I always want to spend quality time with my family, helping the students on my large caseload, and chasing my dream. Oh, and there’s taking care of myself by getting sleep, exercising, and eating well. Is there ever enough time in our day? Does anyone ever get enough sleep?

I hear “how do you do it?” many times a week and sometimes I have a hard time answering that question. To be honest, I am not always sure of how I do it. Especially when my 3-year-old bangs on my computer, the clock reads 12:30 am and I have to get up in less than 5 hours, or when I have blood shot eyes, a crick in my neck, and I still have to take a shower and make lunches. Not to mention the time I haven’t been able to spend promoting and marketing the book the way I really want and need to. I should be hitting the streets and passing out cards. I am supposed to be dropping into bookstores and calling reporters but I’m instead rushing home to get my oldest off the bus after a full day of work, getting in a quick run so that I can continue to stay mentally and physically healthy and strong, and all the other life responsibilities that I know we all have.

So, like I tell my students, I have set goals, and I have to get creative. I know what I am capable of now, and I am willing to keep working hard by putting out quality books. Trips are essential to market, and I will dedicate at least two times out of the year to travel and market. It is important to be inventive when trying to keep yourself healthy and some things I am really good at doing, and others, well those I stink at.

So here are the ways I have tried to make it all work. Some days I feel like I am owning it, and others, well don’t judge when I am spazzing and close to tears.

  1. How do you take the time to care for yourself?:
  • Exercise: Gone are the days I spend an hour or even more in the gym or at classes. I run or do a quick 15-20-minute workout on my non-running days. 8fit is an awesome app that I have been using for the past two months, and they have high intensity and diverse workouts, fitness coach and meal ideas. Plus, my girls love to try to do the exercises with me or at least enjoy pushing the “next” button. A small caution for all of you with small, expert device wielding or button pushing little ones. They have skipped my rest many a times, and boy does that make the workout much harder ☺ On my run days, I try to take them with me when I can. My oldest can ride her bike with me on over 3-mile runs while the little one still loves the jogging stroller. I feel I am still getting quality time with them and taking care of my body and mind.
  • Sleep: Yes, even with my second child who trained me to survive on little sleep, I still need it. We all do! Some of my compromises with her, now 3 and still hard to get to sleep and keep asleep self, are that I will stay in her room, but I will work on my computer as I sing her to sleep and be there when she wakes- up afraid. Yes, I fall asleep in there and wake confused about where I am, but hey it’s sleep! She has also become ninja-like for those times I make it to my bed, and I find her cuddled up with me at 5 am. No, I don’t think it’s the best sleep for either of us. I mean who sleeps well with little feet or a tiny toosh in their face at all hours, but we are doing the best we can and for now- and that’s okay.
  • Eat: This part I admit I am not the best at and typically consult my older, and MD wielding, sister. She does a fantastic job at planning meals for the week while my family does not. I do, however, have two little helpers now, and I have been putting them to work on smaller, and safer tasks. Ones such as making/packing lunches (beware of the double dosing on the sweeter treats. Mine are sneaky sometimes), mixing ingredients, making a salad, and my oldest can even make scrambled eggs. I also make a ton of hard boiled eggs, chops veggies for the week and divvy them up for lunches, and ask for help more when I need it.   I was the one always going to the store and started to get annoyed with my husband, but then all I had to do was ask. Now he goes a lot after work or in the morning after dropping off the girls. Communication is key, and although we are all super mothers, fathers, girl, and boyfriends, or single moms and dads, we need to ask for help sometimes.
  • Leave it!: Sometimes the best way to take care of yourself is to NOT work on your project at all. That’s right, close or don’t even pick up that laptop, notebook, or palette. Push the stress aside for a day, days, or even a week as long as you can still meet your goal or deadline. Sometimes the break unlocks a floodgate, and your creativity will come rushing out tenfold; more so than if you forced it out piece by piece instead of taking a much-needed break. This is incredibly useful for writers block, but more importantly for those of us that have a ton of other hats and need to prioritize or just rest. As long as you keep your focus while you take a break, never fully letting your dream escape the track you out it on, I’m sure you will see amazing results.

All in all, if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be happy, those around you won’t be happy, and it will make it harder actually to reach your goal. Reaching your goal beaten down can lead to never wanting to repeat what you have worked so hard for, and if it’s a writing career you are aiming for –cranking multiple works is key!

2. How do you find time to write?

  • Into the night: Being a night owl helps, well it helps my writing but not the dark circles the next day. It also helps that I have a goal, four books in 4 years that I will keep cranking out and market the best I can. If I hit wall after wall and don’t find my niche to keep going, then I will reevaluate. No, I won’t quit, but I may need to realign my goals, and I also may not be able to keep up the pace and the late nights. I did invest in a laptop with a backlighted keyboard as well to be able to type quietly in bed next to my little one. For those of you who are early risers and don’t have to be at work at 7 am like I do, you can reverse this and sneak your writing in early.
  •  During the kids’ activities: Thankfully my girls like at least one thing in common so I looked around for class times that were the same or close to each other at the same facility.   My laptop goes with me, and I sit and type while they enjoy their class once a week. I bring my ear buds so I can focus and get a good hour in. The girls do well when I am there now, whereas before I was in the car that was not the most comfortable of experiences. There aren’t any coffee shops, libraries, etc. close enough, but you all may have one nearby that you can pop into during their class as well so be on the lookout.
  • Mommy isn’t here: When the kids know I am home it is “mommy, mommy, mommy!!!” So, yes sometimes I have to pretend I am not home, and my husband takes care of things when I am really trying to get something done. These don’t have to be major chunks of time when you can focus, so an hour or so is usually enough. This act of hiding myself away is also a good plan during your lunch break. You can eat and write a little for yourself on your break!
  • Banning Perfectionism: So, I’ve been telling you over and over again to use those little chunks of hours, and some of you may be thinking I am crazy. I know it can be very difficult for some of us to just write, to get it all down, no hold’s barred, balls out, and without fear. My husband, in fact, struggles to let an email for work flow without having all the right words and those perfectly worded sentences and structure. There are times I have felt the same. I pull out my hair out and chew on my nails as I searching for a word, a way to lead into a scene, or one of the hardest things-closing a chapter or ending a book. Now if I can’t find a word I write a simple one, highlight, and come back. If I can’t lead into a new scene seamlessly, I write a note to myself in that spot, highlight it, and move on to the next scene. It will come later, I promise.

Free writing is essential to get your thoughts out, to move through the ideas of your story, email, speech-whatever it may be. So, try to remind your anxious mind that you will go back and fix all those crummy overused words, those commas in the wrong place, or that ending and just write!!

I hope the tips I have learned throughout my process of writing my first two books are helpful for those of you chasing down your dream. For some of you, it may be to become a writer as well, or an artist, maybe you are a student in college or working on a report, article or dissertation. Whatever the case, I hope I have helped you find the time.

Parker

Parker Sinclair

Founder and Owner

Rawlings Books, LLC

http://www.parkersinclair.net/rawlingsbooks.html

Author of Trust: The Alex Conner Chronicles Book One, an adult, urban fantasy.

My Webpage: http://www.parkersinclair.net/home.html

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Blog: https://parkersinclairbooks.wordpress.com

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